Mental Health

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Barbed wire round my brain – My Mental Health Story

Regardles what walks of life one comes from everyone experiences sadness, sorrow, depression and anxiety some parts of their lives. Not everyone is happy 24/7, it is impossible to be happy 24/7. We all worry and get anxious and feel insecure from time to time and the ones that say they do not are in denial.

Whether you are an entreprenuer or a stay at home mum/dad we all worry, it is just that some people can handle it better than others.

Some people turn to drinking alcohol, taking recreational drugs and smoking cigarettes or weed to relieve the feelings that festers inside of them (I am not suggesting trying any of methods I have mentioned above but seek medical help in the first instance, these are only examples of what people do to relieve the tension and if anything it might makes things worse than better). I just take my medication which has been prescribed by my GP and do not smoke, do not do recreational drugs and only have a drink if the occasion calls for it such as a Birthday Celebration, but other than that I do not drink. I am wiser now not to wake up with a thumping headache and less money in my pocket from the night before.

Mental Illness is categorised as having the following disorders:

  1. Anxiety & Panic Attacks
  2. Bipolar Disorder
  3. Depression
  4. Easting Disorders
  5. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD)
  6. Personality Disorders
  7. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
  8. Psychosis
  9. Schizoaffective disorder
  10. Schizophrenia
  11. Self Harming
  12. Suicidal Feelings

I do not recommend self diagnosis although do your research and tell your doctor but if you think you have any symptoms do visit your local doctor and seek medical help.

I personally suffer with PTSD, OCD (Diagnosed over 30 years ago), and Clinical Depression. I also have Social Anxiety Disorder and find my home my safe haven away from people in general. I hate talking on the phone and very rarely do I venture out. This started way before self isolation with Covid-19. So I am a master when it comes to germ contaminaltion and social distancing.

I am the most happiest online and if things get too much I can just switch off.

Yet even online there are unsrupulous people that want to scam you and want to bring you down in order to destroy your reputation and hence as of yesterday I have gone back into my cocoon or bubble and really do not want to do any work and feel deflated that idiots have nothing better to do play stupid games. When a scammer goes looking for their next victim they do not care what it may do to the person mentally. I nearly became the next victim.

I feel I have fallen into a dark hole and need to summon the strength to get out, in which I know I will but it will take some doing.

Self help -Take a Leaf out of Warren Buffett’s Book.

Without a support system in place I cannot just phone anyone up and expect them to listen to my troubles (believe me, I have tried) and even if they did listen what could they do to help me? – nothing, so for me this would be pointless. However everyone is different and it may help to talk to a friend or a counseller/therapist on simply interact online and join forums and groups and network with people that also are suffering and have similar symptons as you.

Hence I try to help others whilst trying to help myself by making people aware Mental Illness is not a joke it needs to be addressed and people need to admit they have a problem to try and get professional help. Helping other means I am also helping myself and this makes me happy knowing that someone in need may have been put on the right path by me and got the help they needed. People should also be kind to one another and not cause distress or harm to another individual as doing so could make that person go over the edge.

I once told my daughter’s GodFather’s Girlfriend that I had OCD and she laughed in my face, so guess what I did, I removed those people out of my life, considering the Godfather could have defended me but chose not to.

Aswell as the racism I have endured over the years and the discrimination I am still standing and when I get knocked down I get up again and never give up…….

I find writing my thoughts on virtual paper is therapy for me.

People suffering with mental health issues need to seek professional help, in which I take medication for my disorders but sometimes just talking to someone also helps and cognitive behavioural therapy which does not work for everyone, yet everyone should try it.

There are also therapist that one can talk to in which I have tried that also and found going round and round in circles reapeating the same old stuff over and over again every single session did not benefit me but everyone is different so although it did not help me it may help others. I did not acknowlege the core of my problem, my insecurities in which a stranger, professional or not could not help me. I have since found that accepting the root of my problem I am better at being able to overcome the obstacles I am faced with. Its all in the mind and mind over matter.

The medication I take is is not a magic pill but helps me sleep, it will never stop my anxieties, it meerly calms my state of mind but never erradicates the problem, that I have to do myself and yes it will take some time and I believe oneday it will happen through sheer motivation to complete my goals. The key is to set goals for yourself and aim to accomplish them.

You need to address the core of what is bothering you, if it is debt or martial issues or problems in work, you need to start there. If you start to admit what problem you have got you are half way there to doing something about it. Do not let your problems fester. I know what problem I have and I am trying to turn my problem around, yes it has taken me 30 years to admit what my insecurity is but now that I finally have addressed it I know I am on the right path to make things better and eventually my insecurities will subside and this will help with my mental well being overall.

If you are constantly in a controlling relationship at home or at work, try to remove the negative people out of your life. For me I just do not answer the phone or do not interact online if I do not want to.

I do not have a support system that I can phone someone out of the blue as they would most probably not understand so how can they help (I Have tried therapy and that did not work, but I have joined some OCD Groups on Facebook and have interacted a few times which has helped a bit). In fact once I tried to tell my ex-sister in law about my problems and about my OCD and tried to relate that she too had a problem (hair pulling) when she was going through a divorce with my brother and she was in denial and gave me pretentious look whcih I will never forget. She seems to think she is better than me. But what she fails to understand she would not be where she is now without the divorce settlement my brother paid her and she had Trichotillomania (trik-o-til-o-MAY-nee-uh), also called hairpulling disorder and theres no denying it as her hair was starting to get rather visibibly thin on top, which is similar to self harming, yet she denied she ever had it and had no positive words for me.

I know that I have to work it out myself without giving too much detail away as people can abuse your trust so the less they know the better.

Therefore I was shocked to hear a famous person was not briefed before opening his mouth a few days ago at a Presindential Rally. Surely they have managers that advise them what to say and what not to say. If he did this against the advise of his manager and this was a publicity stunt he obviously did not think before he spoke as now there may be consequences due to his actions when his eldest daughter grows up.

The famous person I am talking about is ‘Kayne West’ whom has been in the news and widely criticised for being outspoken about his personal life and in his defence, his wife ‘Kim Kardashian’ has said he suffers with ‘Biopolar Disorder’. From my own experience one should not air their dirty laundry in public (no matter who you are) especially if there will be reprecussions within the family unit further down the line, considering as it will happen when his eldest gets to read/hear/see what her father said about abortion. No child needs to hear that their parents were planning an abortion to get rid of them. That is why Kayne is the way he is because his father wanted to abort him and because he has Bipolar Disorder probably caused by festered insecurities.

The mere fact that this is even talked about in public will bound to affect the child’s mental state and they will feel insecure that their parents contemplated this and did not want them or that may even feel unloved. The seed of insecurity would be planted and in the back of their mind which could potentially fester, which in turn will cause the individual to have mental issues when they get older. This is so wrong on so many levels, one should not use your children as pawns to win votes and one should do everything possible to protect our children including not divuldging information about abortion. Imagine if you found out your parents had contemplated aborting you, how would you feel?, I for one would not be able to have the same respect before knowing and would not be able to look at the same again.

If you are feeling insecure and things are not going right, reach out to me here and I will try to help you. No one should suffer alone.

If you feel anxious or depressed just send a message and I will see what options are available for you to rectify your problems.

Nothing cannot be so bad you cannot share your problems in confidence with someone that is willing to listen. All problems have a way of being resolved one just needs to know how.

Remember a problem shared is a a problem halved.

My demons are the people I do not trust and the scam artists online aswell as the people that attempt to take advantage of me or bring me down or harm to me, you know the people I am talking about the judgemental pretentious people that think they are better than you, the ones that pretend they care but in reality do not give two hoots about you.

Like I said sharing my thoughts has already made me feel a little bit better.

Everyone has a story to tell and I have been through the mill and back so I have every excuse not to trust people and my story is my journey so one day I will write a book.

From one sufferer to another, stay safe and stay strong.

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