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Day: 22 August 2020

Mental Health & Loneliness

Being Alone and Loneliness are two different things.

Being alone can for some people be more gratifying than being in a room full of people and not having anything in common or anything to talk about. Some people choose to live alone and live happily without intervention of other people.

We all experience the feeling of loneliness from time to time. Our self conception is very unique to us and not everyone who feels loney may feel the same type of loneliness as yourself. My conception of loneliness is not being on my own. I actually like my own company. My perception of loneliness is not being able to share my thoughts or have people share my passion or give me the support I need. My loneliness is the emptiness I feel when I cannot talk to anyone that shares or cares about my thoughts.

The most common description of loneliness is the overwhelming emptiness feeling we get when our mental state, views passions beliefs are not recognised by other people.

Loneliness is not always the same as being alone.

You may the most social person on the block and have lots of friends and acquaintances or part of a large family, but if not one person shares your views and you cannot reach out or relate to these people as they simply are not interested you will find the loneliness creeping in.

Mental health may increase the chance of feeling lonely and although feeling lonely is not a mental health issue it is however strongly linked.

People who suffer with social phobia’s may find it difficult to express their mental well being which in turn can cause loneliness. If you have suffered with the feeliing of loneliness for a very long time undiagnosed this may well impact your mental health in the long term, which in turn can manifest into stress, low self esteem, depression, anxiety and sleeping disorders.

What is the cause of loneliness?

Loneliness differs from person to person and each case is different. ‘Life Changes’ play an important factor diagnosing someone with loneliness. Each life event is unique and some people can handle these events better than others.

Examples of life events that can cause loneliness are as follows.

1). Traumatic Event in your life that has had devasting and lasting effect (I have had eight but whose counting)

2). The loss of a loved one (bearevement), family member, friend, pet, life partner (I have experienced this three times, I was once asked so when will I stop grieving, well the answer is never).

3). Break up of a relationship, (divorce, seperation) (Most memorable I experienced four times)

4). Abusive Relationship, violence and rape (I experiend this as two seperate incidents).

5). Retiring and loosing the network of collegaues that were friends at work (No issue).

6). Moving to a new location with no network of family or friends. (No Issue).

7). Feeling isolated from your co-works who alienate you. (No Issue).

8). Changing Jobs and learning the ropes from scratch with no support from other co-workers. (No issue).

9). Starting a course at College or University and you do not know anyone and do not make friends easily (No Issue).

Depending on each individuals circumstances determines why the feeling of vulnerability sets in. It is suggested by some researchers that certain life changing factors will be the root cause to the problem.

1). It may be that you are part of a minority group seperated from your family and friends due to immigration as asylum seekers as you fled from a war stricken country to somewhere very alien to you.

2). You could be in an ethnic group alienated for your race and values

3). You could be discriminated because, of your colour, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation and disabilities and social class.

4). You are estranged from your family.

5) You have been physically and mentally abused and find it diffficult to form relationships.

6). You have been publicly humiliated and made a mockery of.

7). You have no friends or family

8). You are a single parent or carer and may not be able to maintain a social life.

9). You are judged by how much money you have or what job you do.

10) Although unlawful you may be discrimiated by employers for your mental health or disabilities or even you appearance. It is not supposed to happen but it does and its even more harder to prove.

This feeling of loneliness can be crippling and some people do not know where to turn or how to rectify the problem and thus spiral out of control.

My therapy is wrting, I call my blogs my online diaries that anyone can read. I can express myself and I know someone somewhere is reading this and possibly can relate.

My loneliness is not being able to share some of the trauma, humiliation and pain I have endured over the years and would love to give the people that made me this way a good old fashioned public shout out and watch them squiirm getting publicly humiliated as I did. But for now let sleeping dogs lie, one day their time will come.

So when the next time you are talking to someone you find that you have nothing in common, nip it the bud, do not let it fester and do not pretend to be a friend as that makes you a hypocrite. You are either with that person because you actually care or you are with that person for your own agenda.

Only be with people you genuinly care about and support, do not be two faced. If I can share similar life experiences and idea’s, passions and goals with others as I am doing I am half way there to battling my feeling of loneliness. The peron does not have to sit in the same room as me but could been thousands of miles away with only an internet connection between us.

I have only one goal and that is to make a lot of money, I am not looking to make friends or relationships but instead to connect with like minded people that share my goals and my passion. The power of mind over matter is the differnce of filling the void of loneliness.

I tend not to dwell on all the bad things that have happened in my life (which no doubt have been a few) but instead try to turn the negative feelings and thoughts into postitive ones. I set myself realistic goals that if I achieve I reward myself. I buy myself something that will cheer me up and set another goal and another.

Remember always be kind to others as you do not know what they are going through and never be two faced or judgemental. Treat people with respect just like you would want to be treated and if you know someone is alone especially during the holidays do something nice for them just so that they know someone was thinking about them.

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Failing in Business.


Lessons of Failure in Business and in Life!

Very few successful entrepreneurs may succeed on their first business venture. For example did you know Microsoft entrepreneurs Bill Gates and Paul Allen’s first business venture was the Traf-O-Data. Traf-O-Data sold just one unit before the business dissolved.

So do not beat yourself up if your business is not going to plan, “if at first you do not succeed, try again”.

You just need to stay focused and if there is a will there is a way.

This also applies to your mental health and everyday scenario’s and it does not always have to be about business per se. You just must find a way to carry on and fight your cause. No one else is going to help you so do not rely on other people and do it yourself. You are the master of your own destiny.

Statistics show whilst most new businesses (80%) survive their first year, only half of them will still exist after five years down the road.

The key to a successful entrepreneurship that has failed previously is that entrepreneurs have seen failure as lessons of how to overcome obstacles.

So, although at first failure may look like doom and gloom, one needs to turn the negative into a positive. Business failures may incur financial hardships, so you must find ways to get around this especially if you bank is not supportive. There are many ways to raise funds including re-inventing yourself and crowd funding. Business failures could also be a breakdown of business relationships with your business partners. You must decide if a person is weighing you down do you continue to have them in your life or do you find a way to move on and leave them behind. After all and this applies to business as well as your personal lives, do not surround yourself with negative people.

Call it tough love and only the toughest survive so that means you must make tough decisions.

Establish what the root of your problem is and then tackle it head on.

Do a deep clean analysis of the failure. Work out the biggest contributing factors that are making your business fail.

Look at factors why you started the business and what you wanted to accomplish from it. Write down a list and also do not forget to say what you ultimately wanted to achieve when you started out. It may be that you may feel you are overwhelmed and have lost the plot of what you wanted then to what is happening now and you can easily start to feel lost.

The following needs to be addressed.

  1. What was your goal at the beginning of your start-up?
  2. What problems are you encountering?
  3. Do you have financial issues and do not know how you will pay your bills?
  4. Do you have staff issues?
  5. Do you have management issues?
  6. Is your product or service not unique or sort after?
  7. Are you have problems generating business?
  8. Is your website not optimised to its full protentional?
  9. Do you have marketing and advertising issues?
  10. Have you got personal (spouse/partner) or mental health issues that are interfering with your business?

There are many factors that can cause a business to fail and you need to find the core to the problem in order to address it in order to avoid the demise to the business.

The sooner you find what is causing your business to spiral out of control, the sooner you can get hold of the reigns again.

Sometimes you need a moderator, mentor or consultant that can sit on the fence and give you a neutral opinion of what you are doing wrong. Find someone you can confined in, whether it is a spouse or partner or a friend. There is always someone that can lend an ear especially if your failing business is causing you mental and psychological health problems. Do not forget you can also speak with your GP if the stress is becoming overwhelming.

Useful Links:

What is Anxiety

What is Stress

What is Depression

Suicide Healthline

There are always solutions to all problems, no matter how big or small.

Once you have established the root to your problem the next thing is to address it and make the changes.

1). If you have ‘FINANCIAL ISSUES’ and have come to a road block either because your customers are paying late or you bank does not want to lend you any more money, consider ‘FACTORING’  where the  banks pays you 80% of your invoice upfront and the customer then has 30 days to pay the invoice whereby the bank will pay you the remainder of the invoice. Do speak with you bank manager about this service as it does not come cheap, but at least you have one less thing to worry about when the customer does not pay as the bank will do the chasing for you. Consider ‘CROWDFUNDING’ and ‘PRIVATE EQUITY’ where you raise funds publicly or through Angel Investors who are looking to support small businesses in exchange for a stake of your company.

If you are starting up and this applies to the UK as other countries may differ, you can apply for tax credits and housing benefit and council tax reductions to help you. Phone your Local Council about Housing Benefit and Council Tax and HMRC about Tax Credits. You can also find information online.

2). Do you have staff issues, consider outsourcing the work to virtual assistants and freelancers if it is office related? If it is manual work, consider hiring school leavers you may even be eligible for grants or sub contractors, these are self employed businesses and you just pay them for the job on a contract basis.

3) Do you have management issues where people are getting too big for their boots. Remember you are the Boss and you say what goes. If you feel that your staff are not pulling their weight, offer incentives to make them work harder.

4) If you have debt issues there are companies that can consolidate all your debts to one manageable monthly payment plan. Never brush your debts under the carpet, they will never go away on their own, instead take the bull by its horns write out all your debts and work out your monthly overheads and contact these companies that can resolve your problems.

5) Is the product or service that you are selling the problem. Reinvent yourself if you must and address pricing, competition and why the product or service is not selling. It could be your online presence is not optimised and you are not generating enough traffic. With this said speak with the web developers, whom are also internet marketers to see why you are not generating enough traffic. Consider PPC advertising this will get you on the first page of Search Engines for the exact match search terms your users are looking for. Also consider offline advertising like Newspaper, Magazine Ads as well as Leaflets.

6) Have you got problems at home such as marital, speak with a counsellor.  Or do you feel lonely and come home to an empty home? Whatever the problem is what ever happens at home should stay at home but often we bring it to work with us as we are constantly fretting and thinking about the other person and not concentrating on the work put before us. I am not a marriage councillor but there are many ways you can address these issues. Do some research there are plenty of organisations that can help.

7) MENTAL HEALTH and PSYCHOLOGICAL PROBLEMS. Sometimes the stress is too much to bear and you can barely find enough energy to get out of bed, sometimes only wanting to cocoon yourself under the blankets and wait for the world to pass you by. I’m the world’s worst when it comes to this as I have suffered with mental health issues (Depression and OCD) most of my adult life, but somehow I find the courage to face another day. So, from my own personal experience and perspective I have planted a seed in my head. This seed is my goal to achieving what I want in life and I try to stay focused. If on days where the stress is too much to bear, I take time out and do something that I enjoy doing such as writing and reading or watching movies and a takeout. I know I will not be defeated, and I know eventually I will get where I am going.

Consider a dream board that you hang in your office which will be a daily reminder why you are where you are and where you want to be. A dream board (vision board) is a montage of images of all the things you want out of life, call it a bucket list if you will. Every morning take some time to think about your goals before starting work.

So do try to take leaf out of my book and remember there is no success without failure. Rejoice your failure. The failure is a lesson and you can learn from. People who take risks are prone to failure but without risks there are no opportunities. Your self-confidence should not be diminished by your failures, your failure should be embraced as achievements. You have to take risks in order to succeed.

Never be ashamed of your failures in fact teach others and mentor them that failure helps us to learn and to succeed. We have all failed at something in or lives, if its not exams at school or Uni, to driving tests, to personal relationships. Don’t tell me you have never been heartbroken or come close to loosing your life partner, or not achieved careers goals you had hoped for. Life gives us choices and life is what you make it. You either fail and give up or fail and move on, I prefer to fail and learn not to do the same mistake twice and teach others about my mistakes and pay it forward.

Finally if you found this post useful, do comment, share, like, subscribe and pay it forward.


August 2020