Being Alone and Loneliness are two different things.

Being alone can for some people be more gratifying than being in a room full of people and not having anything in common or anything to talk about. Some people choose to live alone and live happily without intervention of other people.

We all experience the feeling of loneliness from time to time. Our self conception is very unique to us and not everyone who feels loney may feel the same type of loneliness as yourself. My conception of loneliness is not being on my own. I actually like my own company. My perception of loneliness is not being able to share my thoughts or have people share my passion or give me the support I need. My loneliness is the emptiness I feel when I cannot talk to anyone that shares or cares about my thoughts.

The most common description of loneliness is the overwhelming emptiness feeling we get when our mental state, views passions beliefs are not recognised by other people.

Loneliness is not always the same as being alone.

You may the most social person on the block and have lots of friends and acquaintances or part of a large family, but if not one person shares your views and you cannot reach out or relate to these people as they simply are not interested you will find the loneliness creeping in.

Mental health may increase the chance of feeling lonely and although feeling lonely is not a mental health issue it is however strongly linked.

People who suffer with social phobia’s may find it difficult to express their mental well being which in turn can cause loneliness. If you have suffered with the feeliing of loneliness for a very long time undiagnosed this may well impact your mental health in the long term, which in turn can manifest into stress, low self esteem, depression, anxiety and sleeping disorders.

What is the cause of loneliness?

Loneliness differs from person to person and each case is different. ‘Life Changes’ play an important factor diagnosing someone with loneliness. Each life event is unique and some people can handle these events better than others.

Examples of life events that can cause loneliness are as follows.

1). Traumatic Event in your life that has had devasting and lasting effect (I have had eight but whose counting)

2). The loss of a loved one (bearevement), family member, friend, pet, life partner (I have experienced this three times, I was once asked so when will I stop grieving, well the answer is never).

3). Break up of a relationship, (divorce, seperation) (Most memorable I experienced four times)

4). Abusive Relationship, violence and rape (I experiend this as two seperate incidents).

5). Retiring and loosing the network of collegaues that were friends at work (No issue).

6). Moving to a new location with no network of family or friends. (No Issue).

7). Feeling isolated from your co-works who alienate you. (No Issue).

8). Changing Jobs and learning the ropes from scratch with no support from other co-workers. (No issue).

9). Starting a course at College or University and you do not know anyone and do not make friends easily (No Issue).

Depending on each individuals circumstances determines why the feeling of vulnerability sets in. It is suggested by some researchers that certain life changing factors will be the root cause to the problem.

1). It may be that you are part of a minority group seperated from your family and friends due to immigration as asylum seekers as you fled from a war stricken country to somewhere very alien to you.

2). You could be in an ethnic group alienated for your race and values

3). You could be discriminated because, of your colour, race, religion, gender, sexual orientation and disabilities and social class.

4). You are estranged from your family.

5) You have been physically and mentally abused and find it diffficult to form relationships.

6). You have been publicly humiliated and made a mockery of.

7). You have no friends or family

8). You are a single parent or carer and may not be able to maintain a social life.

9). You are judged by how much money you have or what job you do.

10) Although unlawful you may be discrimiated by employers for your mental health or disabilities or even you appearance. It is not supposed to happen but it does and its even more harder to prove.

This feeling of loneliness can be crippling and some people do not know where to turn or how to rectify the problem and thus spiral out of control.

My therapy is wrting, I call my blogs my online diaries that anyone can read. I can express myself and I know someone somewhere is reading this and possibly can relate.

My loneliness is not being able to share some of the trauma, humiliation and pain I have endured over the years and would love to give the people that made me this way a good old fashioned public shout out and watch them squiirm getting publicly humiliated as I did. But for now let sleeping dogs lie, one day their time will come.

So when the next time you are talking to someone you find that you have nothing in common, nip it the bud, do not let it fester and do not pretend to be a friend as that makes you a hypocrite. You are either with that person because you actually care or you are with that person for your own agenda.

Only be with people you genuinly care about and support, do not be two faced. If I can share similar life experiences and idea’s, passions and goals with others as I am doing I am half way there to battling my feeling of loneliness. The peron does not have to sit in the same room as me but could been thousands of miles away with only an internet connection between us.

I have only one goal and that is to make a lot of money, I am not looking to make friends or relationships but instead to connect with like minded people that share my goals and my passion. The power of mind over matter is the differnce of filling the void of loneliness.

I tend not to dwell on all the bad things that have happened in my life (which no doubt have been a few) but instead try to turn the negative feelings and thoughts into postitive ones. I set myself realistic goals that if I achieve I reward myself. I buy myself something that will cheer me up and set another goal and another.

Remember always be kind to others as you do not know what they are going through and never be two faced or judgemental. Treat people with respect just like you would want to be treated and if you know someone is alone especially during the holidays do something nice for them just so that they know someone was thinking about them.

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