As most of you are already aware I do have suffer with insecurities and I am sure I am not alone when it comes to saying that no matter how hard I try to prove to people that I am know what I am doing people still seem to find a way to judge me and I feel they do not trust me even though I have not given any reason to feel this way. Is it paranoia pehaps?
I have been judged all my life and I do try to not let it get to me at most part but sometimes it is really hard. I will give you and example yesterday and today I posted a crowd funding project with the hope that people will help to fund it so that I can employ 2 people full time at a mnimum wage of £8.75 an hour for at least 4 months. Now you may think so what was so wrong with that afterall I am trying to better myself well the problem is some of my connections have disappeared on LinkedIn and I don’t know why?
Now I have tried to be as transparent as I can and even wrote a Business Plan for people to read. Either they do not want me to succeed and are jealous or they do not believe in me or it could be LinkedIn themselves that have glitched out somehow.
I have in the past been trolled and humiliated and even been accused of things that really saddened me. But I try to keep my head up and think oh well, “it your loss as I will succeed with or without your help”.
So just like I tell my readers I also tell myself:
Don’t let it phase you. I am not saying all people are narrow minded but we have all been burned at some point in our lives by people we have trusted. I am not alone as people have scammed me due to my trusting nature. However I have learnt from my mistakes and know what to look for if someone has ulterior motives. So I understand that people can be less trusting especially if they have encountered bad business through their employee, partner or client. It could be a number of different things that people find distrusting about you and you should not take it personally. Its their opinion and no one elses.
Gaining their trust. Always keep your head up high and do not let your insecurities get to you. Let people gain their trust in you by you offering them incentives or offers they cannot refuse. Once you deliver outstanding services, work and results only then will they change their opinion about you. Try to be their friend and not be so formal. Sometimes being to business like can be very cold which sends out singles that may look like you are superior or have something to hide. Try being natural so that they can learn what you are about.
Don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Just as I am doing here I have literally told the world who I am and what I am about. I do not paint myself to be anything other than what you read about on my blogs. Just because people do not trust you don’t let it it prevent you from being the awesome person you are. (I know I’m awesome and tell myself that everyday), thats not me being conceited it ‘s me boosing my moral.
Alway remember someone else’s opinion is not your opinion and if that is how they feel its their problem not yours and it is not your fault.
We all feel low from time to time and our self esteem becomes questionable. Some people deal with these issues differently to others. I tend to switch off from the world when it gets too much for me. I need to re-charge my batteries and come back with a clear mind.
Have you noticed how people with a lot of money and I am not talking about everyone but even with a lot of money they have insecurities and mental health issues like depression? How many actors (A-Listers have had alcohol dependency issue, when in theory they never have to worry about putting food on the table or have a roof over their heads but they still drink themselves stupid or take drugs)? I often think if I had so much money that I did not know what to do with, I would not be depressed and my insecurities would diminish to next to nothing. But you cannot speak about everyone as each and every one of us has different opinons and beliefs and differrent mental states.
Each person is different, there are many factors, including social class, cultural background, child and life experiences, race, gender, personal relationshionships worth environment etc, that can make us feel insecure with low self esteem. We cannot change our past but we can change how we feel now and for the future. Just because people do not trust you, thats their problem not yours. You just need to be able to rise above it.
Genes and Temperament
Our self-confidence is built into our brains at birth. We are molded genetically and studies have shown our genetic makeup affects the feeling of confidence-boosting chemicals (Serotonin) our brain can access through receptors. It is also thought that 25 to 50 percent of the traits linked to confidence may be genetically inherited. Our personality can also stem from temperament
Serotonin, a neurotransmitter associated with feeling of happiness and Oxytocin can both be triggered by certain genetic variations. especially when confronted with a situation known as “behavioral inhibition.” one can to start to question logic of the situation. Not everyone impulsively jumps into every situation, some who tread with caution and are reserved may let self esteem elude them.
Certain life experinces can lead to feeling completely unsure about oneself or even the feeling of worthlessness.
Trauma. When someone has experienced traumatic life changing experiences such as physical and mental abuse, rape or sexual assualt, public humiliation, judged, discriminated and death of a loved one, this can play on ones mind and unless the memories are erased a person can be tormented indefinately. As a consequence the persons self confidence and esteem will be very low and they may feel ashamed of their experiences and embarresed aswell as devasted and feeling lost and empty. A breakup, divorce or seperation can be equally devasting to loosing some one thorugh death and the effects on a person mind can be debilitating.
Our Parenting. The way we have been brought up determins how we are shaped. I four up bringing was of neglect we will show signs later on in our adult life that may mirror how our parents treated us. As an example if a parent who constantly belittled you, compared you to others, or told you that you were worthless and would never amount to anything, you would eventually believe them thorugh brain washing. Depending how you parents treated you, will depend on your mental state of mind later on in life. My father was really strict and everything had to be done his way or not at all and if we misbehaved we were belted. That has be one of the contributing factors of my insecurities to this day, although other life changing traumatic events have made me who I am today.
Bullying, humiliation, discrimination and harrassment. I remember when I was in infants and could not speak English but understood to a certain degree what the other children were saying, I remember having my blazer spat on and being pushed down some concrete steps to a gravel laiden payground where I suffered gashes to my face. Then in senior years the bullies would wait for me outside the school gates where I would get numerous kickings. Therfore from childhood bullying left a mark on my confidence. This in turn continued into my adult years with my abusive ex.
Bullies will bully you when it comes to your appearance, your intellectual and athletic abilities and so on, aswell as other areas of your life, because a bully is also insecure and will try to take the onus away from them in order for them to feel momentarily better about themselves by degarading another person.
Humiliating experiences in adulthood, including public humiliation by people in authority and in the workplace or a peer group that disrespects or demeans you will cause you to question yourself and your abilities as you have been told by someone else this is what you are supposed to believe. However people whom humiliate you are more inadequate because if they felt good about themselves there would be no need to undermine you to make themselves feel better and more powerful.
Discrimination Gender, race, and sexual orientation. Studies have shown women are socialized to worry more about how they’re perceived.
A womens racial, social class, cultural background and sexual orientation can also cause a women to suffer low self esteem. A woman that has been on a receiving end of discrimination may have internalized some negative, untrue messages about her worth and true potential and whether she“belong.” However this also applies to other genders also and people perceived to be worthless will eventually believe they are and will not take risks in order to better themselves.
Lack of knowledge
Someone full of confidence does not care how they are perceived as in their mind they are on a pedestal and no one can take that away from them, however a person that lacks self confidence needs to reassure themselves that they are confident and this in turn leads to insecurities where they question themselves and find faults which leads them to failure. Not be certain of your circumstnces or lack of knowledge of your surroundings can manifest into insecurities.
On the contrary a person who is a perfectionist also suffers with low self esteem as they have to battle to have everything perfect all the time in order to be accepted as a confident person.
How the Media Perceives People
You have heard it before “Sex Sells”. All the glossy magazines, billboards and catwalk runnways are targeted for women always having a beautiful women on their covers or super skinny top models strutting their stuff down the catwalks. Products and Fashion is advertised always by beautiful looking men and women. Its is drummed into our heads that this is how we are supposed to look and the average looking person will always feel inadequate by their looks because they can never achieve the same standards as that of these good looking people who are portrayed to be the ideal perfect looking person.
But the ideal look does not stop on the catwalk it has infiltrated social media channels with adverts and influencers making the virtual world look like reality but really it is fantasy in most cases, superficially imposed, yet we are supposed to believe what we see even though our lives are not perfect, we start to show less confidence in ourselves when we see other people looking so perfect with their perfect lives and women looking like super models, showing off flashy houses and cars. We live in a materialistic superficial world and we too also want to have luxuries with little effort but in most cases that is virtually impossible. Yet in reality the people that post online are heavily curated and edited. Everyone has bad days, self-doubt, and physical imperfections and it is drummed into our heads each and every day that in order to look like a certain person we need to mirror them, which sometimes is rarely possible to achieve.
Anxiety and Depression
Low Self esteem and low self confidence causes people to doubt their state of mind and their abilities which in turn causes anxiety and depression which go hand-in-hand.
There are a few self help books that I have posted below, just in case you are feeling low. However do speak with your GP if things are getting out of control.
Remember when someone says something bad about you are shows you no support and you feel they do not have confidence in you, let them think what they like afterall you are not indebted to the them and you do not have to prove anything, just be yourself. It’s their opinion and not the rest of the worlds.
I know what I am worth and I do not have to prove anything to anyone.
All I can say is: “if you do not believe in me then its your loss”.
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I have decided to update this post as I am glad to say that my connection drop the other day must have been a LinkedIn glitch as I know have all my connections back: